So you think that having a baby will improve your marriage? Don’t buy that box of Pampers just yet, according to the results of an eight-year study at Texas A&M University.

More often than not, the arrival of that first baby can be damaging to a marriage and create problems that neither the father nor the mother anticipate, says Brian Doss, a professor of psychology who studies relationships. Doss and colleagues Galena Rhoades, Scott Stanley and Howard Markman of the University of Denver published their work in the current “Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.” The study was funded by the National Institutes of Health.

Bottom line: That first baby can be a time of joy and excitement, but it can also put immense strains on a married couple and present them with difficult situations that, for most couples, lead to more relationship problems.

Doss and his colleagues tracked relationship data of 218 couples (436 individuals) over an  eight-year period, comparing pre-birth and post-birth behavior patterns and how the arrival of the baby directly affected the relationship between the father and mother. 

The birth of the first baby was followed by more problems in communication, decreases in couples’ confidence that the marriage would last and declines in couples’ overall satisfaction with the marriage.

However, although most new parents showed these declines, Doss noted that some couples actually managed to strengthen their relationship. About 15 percent of fathers and 7 percent of mothers ended up more satisfied with their marriage after birth. Another important goal of the research was to understand which couples did well and which did poorly after birth.

Doss says that some explanations for changes after birth can be traced to things that happened even before the couple got married. For example, some mothers whose own parents fought often or divorced showed larger drops in marital satisfaction. Also, couples that lived together before marriage showed more communication problems after birth.

However, events happening at the time of the birth also can change how couples’ marriages change. Overall, being married longer and having a higher income seemed to buffer couples against problems after birth.

“One of the interesting findings is that mothers who gave birth to girls showed larger drops in marital satisfaction,” Doss adds.

“This is likely due to the fact that fathers tend to be less involved in the childcare tasks for baby girls than boys, turning over most of the parenting to the mother. This results in a decrease of satisfaction for the mother.

“In doing this study, we wanted to look at two key issues,” Doss says.

“First, does having a child negatively affect most marriages? The answer appears to be yes, it does. Second, are there factors that help us tailor additional help for couples who are the most at-risk for developing problems? The answer also appears to be yes.

“We might want to look at improving communication skills and relationship issues during childbirth classes, where usually both parents are present. If we start to introduce these concepts and get couples aware of the challenges they will face, it could be more beneficial than the breathing exercises they learn. That’s especially true because we know that the quality of a couple’s relationship following a baby’s birth has critical implications for the baby’s early development.”

Contacts: Brian Doss at (979) 845-2581 or email at bdoss@psych.tamu.edu or Keith Randall at (979) 845-4644 or email at keith-randall@tamu.edu

Source: Texas A&M University